Cave, Volcano or self build?

  Changing tact away from horror films for this post.  I will now get back the problems of being an Evil Genius.  This time, as I have already covered suppliers and staff.  So, this time, it's going to be where to place your Lair.

  As you will be aware, all good Evil Geniuses need somewhere to live, design and construct your day to day evilness.  This can be broken down to three different types.  These being:

1) Cave -This is the simplest solution.  All you need to do is wander around the countryside until you stumble across a cave that is big enough for you needs.  Caves can be extended and expanded but it's always better to start off with a large cave.  It does have its downsides but this can be overcome by experiments with colour.

2) Volcano -nowhere near as simple to construct than the cave as first you need to find an extinct volcano somewhere on Earth that won't suddenly re-erupt at a moment's notice half way through the retro fit.

3) Self Build -This is the most ambitious of the three options and probably the hardest to keep quiet from the meddling aspects of the local, and sometimes the international, law enforcement officials.  You may have to provide plans for your idea.  This may seem like an issue but if you just send the plans for the above ground, 3 bedroom, two bath residency and then hire a specialist conversion team to dog the secret lair in, hopefully, secrecy.

  Specialist conversion companies can be expensive but if you want absolute secrecy when constructing things you shouldn't be then this is the way forward.  You should know what companies that offer this services.  Why do you think that we, the Evil Geniuses, of the world have our own website with contacts for this sort of conversions.

 Finally, what you need to consider is location.  Yes, it may seem fine to build your lair on an island in the middle of the ocean.  If you do think this then slap yourself around the head.  The main reason that this location is stupid is that it's IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!  Somewhere more practical and based near utilities is a lot better solution.

Despicable Me is UK cinemas from October 15

Minions - a good idea?

  Being an evil genius there comes a time to decide if you need the help of minions.  This can produce problems.  These tend to involve the ability to feed, arm and control them enough so they don't try and mutiny and take over your super fortress / converted volcano.

Exhibit A - The hordes

  As a lone wolf, so to speak, I have decide against this idea as they tend to cramp my style, make a mess of the cave and, generality, being a pain in the tail.

  This mess tends to involve their failed experiments.  Propulsion (flinging each other into a wall at high speed), explosives (leaving small bits of themselves all over the shop), electronics (leaving smouldering bits of themselves all over the place) and weaponry (vaporising each other, thus cutting down even more, on your minion base).  Cleaning up after these experiments can take up a lot of time, effort, and paperwork.  This can take a lot of my own personal "evil time" away from my own projects.  These are the reasons why I try to stay away from having hordes of Minions. The odd helper, on a purely ad-hoc basis is a more cost-effective way of getting your plans in action.

  World domination hasn't been my style. It's normally just trying to get something to eat. This seems to be getting harder and harder as times goes on so I decided to diversify so the idea of World Domination now seems like a career update (and probably a cheaper one - saving on those medical bills that keep coming in each time you fall off a cliff, get hit by anvils, fall off a cliff and then getting hit by an anvil...).

Image of The Minions © 2010 Universal Studios. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Despicable Me is UK cinemas from October 15